Sunday, December 2, 2012

Belief

Nostalgia. Yes that's what it feels like, being back here at AKz Archives.

Without thinking I looked up the word's meaning. It comes from Greek, and means a state of homesickness - and a pain, an ache a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to past associated with happy memories. I heaved a sigh. Yeah, that's right.

Memories, feelings, stray thoughts just everything comes gushing in, and this time I neither barricaded myself  from them or sank into the usual sadness. I just accepted them, rather welcomed them. Because I knew that sooner or later the time to move on will come and I will have to move on.

I have to make the decision and this can be the first step to start the journey back to being myself. I have taken long and now I have to move forward.

I've lost count of the number of times I thought about taking up writing again, forming words, weaving ideas. Sometimes out of pain and hurt and sometimes out of hope and love. Nothing has been strong enough to ignite the spark and arouse my brain. I wanted to write with all my heart, I wanted complete peace of mind, no interruptions, I wanted to mute all the noise around me and concentrate. But I failed it, like so many other tests. I've always had the luxury of being able to trace my thoughts in words fluently. But the long gap of bitterness, agony, disappointments and abandonment have shaken my confidence here too, and left me struggling with words.

This wasn't how I imagined it will work because until this minute I was still unsure. And then like a piece of jigsaw puzzle fitting in its place I realize that I will not overcome my weakness until I will not make myself to write this time. Not just write but take it to the end, complete this post and publish it!

And now when I write, I write for myself. I write because I still feel am not a lost cause. I hope, oh yes I am hoping, that the odds will be in my favor. I need the leap of faith and I am willing to take it. I know that I can take a lifetime and wait for the right moment or I can make my moment. I chose the latter.

Its tough getting up from a high fall. It tougher to climb up again, but giving up isn't the option now.

Have a great day my readers.
See you soon with something better and interesting the next time. This was just a little message for you and myself.

Belief.

Its AK signing off.

6 comments:

  1. Glad to have you back AK!! And glad to see you so full of belief alhamdulillah :). Welcome back! :)

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    1. Am glad to be back too!!! Alhamdulillah!
      It wouldn't have been possible with your never ending support through thick and thin. Thanks a lot for everything! Esp bearing up with me when I was my worst :)
      And a huge thanks goes to the two of my most favorite ladies out there. Nuni and Maria. For urging me to write and helping me with moving forward. My love and prayers goes to you all.

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    2. My pleasure AK :)

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  2. Finallyyy!!!! Now Lemmee read what it holds! :)

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  3. Thank you so much for this little message!

    Life is a surprise package!:)....its never wat u imagine ... but even better! .. as its how the BEST PLANNER planned it for you!

    May the Odds always always be in your favor! Ameen!

    So GLAAADDDDDD to have you back dearest Ajo! Welcome Back!

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    1. Love you so much!!! and yeah u are right, we can never have everything perfect just as imagined. Its not perfect but balanced :)
      and may they be in your favor too ameen!!!
      Thank you dearest Mjo!!!! <3

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