Belief

Nostalgia. Yes that's what it feels like, being back here at AKz Archives.

Without thinking I looked up the word's meaning. It comes from Greek, and means a state of homesickness - and a pain, an ache a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to past associated with happy memories. I heaved a sigh. Yeah, that's right.

Memories, feelings, stray thoughts just everything comes gushing in, and this time I neither barricaded myself  from them or sank into the usual sadness. I just accepted them, rather welcomed them. Because I knew that sooner or later the time to move on will come and I will have to move on.

I have to make the decision and this can be the first step to start the journey back to being myself. I have taken long and now I have to move forward.

I've lost count of the number of times I thought about taking up writing again, forming words, weaving ideas. Sometimes out of pain and hurt and sometimes out of hope and love. Nothing has been strong enough to ignite the spark and arouse my brain. I wanted to write with all my heart, I wanted complete peace of mind, no interruptions, I wanted to mute all the noise around me and concentrate. But I failed it, like so many other tests. I've always had the luxury of being able to trace my thoughts in words fluently. But the long gap of bitterness, agony, disappointments and abandonment have shaken my confidence here too, and left me struggling with words.

This wasn't how I imagined it will work because until this minute I was still unsure. And then like a piece of jigsaw puzzle fitting in its place I realize that I will not overcome my weakness until I will not make myself to write this time. Not just write but take it to the end, complete this post and publish it!

And now when I write, I write for myself. I write because I still feel am not a lost cause. I hope, oh yes I am hoping, that the odds will be in my favor. I need the leap of faith and I am willing to take it. I know that I can take a lifetime and wait for the right moment or I can make my moment. I chose the latter.

Its tough getting up from a high fall. It tougher to climb up again, but giving up isn't the option now.

Have a great day my readers.
See you soon with something better and interesting the next time. This was just a little message for you and myself.

Belief.

Its AK signing off.

The Things Unsaid

Hi dear readers and friends!

Hope you all had a great start to the new year and may it proves wonderful and constructive one. Yeah I know you all are expecting the new year resolutions post!! :) Well it wasn't that work kept me away from blogging. I was trying to find out my new year resolutions, to gauge if I have the right amount of virtue to follow them without being astray, and recommend them to my dear readers! :)

Well I started building up my resolutions and to note them down here in my editor, waiting for the right time to complete and publish them. It was as usual that I opened up 'Edit Posts' link from my Blogger's dashboard and glanced upon the post titles, there were all my published post and more than those were my unfinished, non published work! The things that were unsaid, they have not lost their significance, but the time to say them have passed. Leaving them faded and old, like the pages of a book, unread and frail, remaining untouched over the years.

So don't let time build webs over your thoughts and bury them deep inside and further into the deepest corner of your mind. Someday long afterwards you'll find them among the pile of old forgotten items. Say it at the right time. :)

Catch you guys soon, as I hope my application servers restart, I am on a 10 mins break from work!
Take Care. Adios!

A glance back in our memory archives..

Asalam O Alikum and greetings Dear Readers,

Hope you all are doing great with the grace of Allah, in all that you do and where ever you are. :)

I peeped in to say a cheerful hello and to prepare you for the next post, that will be, New Year Resolutions! Oh yeah, its been a tradition I never keep up each year. But I don't like giving up and that to without a good fight, so here I found myself a couple of week back making resolutions. But from the past I have learnt to keep my expectations to a minimum and make reality the ground on which i'll base up my resolutions.

Whats the point in sharing them with you all. Well of course number 1 is that I want to bring the good in the life of others that i find for myself, and number 2 is obvious, I need you as a witness to them, to remind me in case, you know ;)

So lets keep the rest to later while you all take care, give it a rest, its been a year and you too need a lil time off. Take a seat, enjoy life and glance back and reflect.
Today I am thinking tolerance is a gift more precious than silver or gold. You guys think on it too.
While I take my leave with a promise to catch up with you all soon!!

Fiaman Allah!
Ayesha.

Aunts Like You Are Precious & Few!

I am some of the lucky people who from the time they open up their eyes are surrounded by affections and love, everyone feels a duty to carry them, to pamper them, and sing them lullaby to take loads of their pics and bring them every gift they ever wished for! Ah alhamdulilah those were the glorious days J.

There were many special people who made my childhood a bright colourful rainbow, and who still make my life special and who will always make it special in my memories, forever. Among them are my parents, sibs, aunts, uncles, relatives, teachers and many other special people. Today I write for my aunts! Those special fairies who made my world magical in the true sense!

Allah blessed me with a sweet lil angel niece 2.5 months back and the pull of the relationship, even before her birth, was great, simply an awesome feeling, a relation that cannot be described in mere words. I haven’t yet touched her, took her in my arms or kissed and cuddled her but I can imagine as if she is here in my arms. And after I tasted the delight of being an aunt, I think I can never ever repay the love and care I received from my aunts. They had been like a mom to me. All I have is gratitude and love for them in return. And the hope and desire to love them more and to be there for them always.

To my sweetest Nuni, I sometimes call her ammi in my excitement or in the flow of conversation. Nuni, who know me by heart and with whom I can’t lie. Who had been everything from  a friend, a playmate, our staunchest supporter even when the government (nani maa) was in an angry mood with us. With whom we had all our adventures and mischief, and still have them, who had been for us always, even now when we are old girls!!

To my iffu, who had been my inspiration on how to talk, to take on airs and act old Shakespearean acts, we used to listen with awe to Huck Finn and other classics she read us, who played the airhostess with us, plucked flowers and taught us many many things, and who had been quite frightening when there used to be a book and pen between us!

The nights when we used to listen to all the wonderful-land stories again and again and so many time that you and Nuni used to be exhausted and our demands never ceased! Oh my fairy godmothers I love you! You had been and are my heroines! Oh, I can write a whole book recalling all those times. J

To my Bari khala, who nursed and pampered me when I was a toddler, who cared for me and who taught me, who had always been the counsellor and a very good advisor, and an everlasting motivation. To my tanu, my friend, my aunt, my lil girl, eventhough she’s the elder one. With whom there was a sisterly bond. The gossips we used to have. The movies we used to watch together. The lectures we used to give to all the rest! :D The captivated audience I used to be when I saw her paint so beautifully. She was the best artist in the whole world to me, which I used to boast among my friends! I miss you so much Tanu.

To my beautiful ladies I owe you so much. I owe you my happiness, my dreams, the rich gifts of trust, care, confidence, self esteem, and precious memories to cherish you gave me are the best I have ever received from any one. Thank  you so much my honies, I love you all a LOT!!!

Truly, only an Aunt can give hugs like a mother, can keep secrets like a sister and share love like a friend! J

Hey, this doesn’t means uncles aren’t great I have awesome uncles, but this post is written by a khala for her khalas J I’ll take over the role of an uncle someday and you’ll surely have an insider’s account on it too! Till then So Long! Take care and enjoy the storming winter and here have hot cocoa, that Wk made specially for me. J

Back after so long...

Hi dear followers and readers!

I am back after a big, quite some unintentionally long break. A lot happened, a lot is happening, that I will share with you all in the coming days, InshaAllah! Let’s start with today's tale, it was the reason that charged me up to greet you all again and share it here, something which I had been longing for. Today's moral is to look for the lil buds that sprout amid the rocks!

But before I start, I want to say that I've missed you all a lot and its great to be back! :) 

Thank you so much to all my avid readers, esp Nuni, Maria and Salman for always asking from time to time and motivating me :)

The past few months had been very hectic at workplace, it left me tired and over stressed. Today was no different I was feeling very blue. We left late, as per the ritual and on the way back I was thinking how fast the week has flown and how much I have to achieve yet. The strands of thought lead me astray and I lost track being bitter.

I was gazing listlessly outside the window when I saw a cripple sitting in the middle with two guys on a motor bike and carrying crutches in his right hand. The sight stirred me. Here I was sitting comfortably and warm, blessed with health and youth and there was he, uncomfortable and broken. I was ashamed and the guilt had not left me when I received a call from my dad's cell. I picked it up uncertainly, as it had been long since Baba called me. He had been very ill the past few weeks and very weak. I was so heartened to hear the tone of his voice for it sounded fresh! Alhamdulillah!

As we travelled further and I was the only one left in van I missed the company I seek the most. I was in thoughts when the coughing of our van driver revived me to the present. The driver waits for us downstairs in the cold daily while we sit late hours in office. At this I felt the guilt again, along with my colleagues I am also responsible and accountable for all those who serve me.

The feelings for the ordeal of our fellow beings' made me sad and grateful at the same time. A few moments ago I had been so ungrateful. I thanked Almighty from my heart for showing me His signs. This has always been His way with me, to let the beads of His wisdom fall my way one by one. I am not capable enough to comprehend His wisdom and blessings but I always realize the error in my ways by picking them.

When I entered the doorway, a surprise awaited me. Amma, my mommy, was cooking my especial favorite!! :) As the wafting aroma left a smile on my lips I thanked Allah almighty for all His blessing. And oh I also felt a pang somewhere in my stomach urging me to fresh up and be seated at the table soon! But that's of not much importance now as I am properly fed!

I reflected upon my journey, it hasn't only been a journey I covered in distance, from office to home. It has been a journey of thoughts, a changed state of mind and soul that left me contemplating. And then something, rather an expecting sms, brought a smile and satisfaction to me, oh yes because it inspired me to share it with you.

When we have the chance to count all our blessings and be grateful, why is that we chose to be the ungrateful lot. Why we chose to displease our Lord, when we have the choice to please Him. And yet we complain, and complain.

The choice is simple. The choice is in your hands. Be grateful and please Allah, please Allah and gain more of His favors! Subhan Allah! Be ungrateful and the rest you can figure out!

So all my dear friends, it's a simple matter of changing our minds, feel pleasure in what Allah has blessed you with, and you will be happy and live your life to the fullest. Believe me you will find happiness and gratitude, inner peace and satisfaction, something which is one of the most prized blessings that are sought after.

Take good care of yourselves and care for others, it’s the best gift you can give to anyone, and in return win their hearts!

Catch you soon with lots and lots more!!

Sweet dreams :)